Confession #16
I haven't wanted to write the past four months.
The Insanely Unbalanced:
Oh, where do I begin?
A lot has happened.
Sweet husband graduated college. Has a full-time job WITH benefits mind you and the dentist is calling my name so badly....
We moved down to Utah. We live 6 minutes away from Will's work. 3 minutes away from our church building. 5 minutes away from 2 grocery stores. 30+ minutes from the nearest Krispy Kreme. 4 hours away from dear friends we left in Rexburg who are trying to survive there without us...which I'm sure is NO easy task.
I've been an emotional hurricane. I was starting to get off my medication in March and I was a week away from being completely off of it, when the stress and anxiety of life decide to try and kill me. Graduation, moving, saying goodbye to great friends, ovarian cysts rupturing daily and Baby P had double ear infections. ( Who, by the way is NO baby anymore...more on that later.) I couldn't handle it all and I began falling. Silently, mind you.
After the move, and getting "settled" I became overcome with feelings of inadequacy, stress, fear, frustration and complete sadness. Why? Honestly, change sucks. Even when it's the right change and it's good, doesn't make it any easier to deal with. There have been TWO main issues. I love our friends. I know a lot of people are bias and think that there friends are the greatest, kindest, most loving friends in the world. But we REALLY HAVE the greatest friends ever created. When living in Rexburg, our place is where everyone came. On weekends, our tiny apartment was the place to be. Our lives were each other. Since moving I have NO friends. And when I say NO friends, I mean it. We live on this huge hill on the side of a mountain and we live in a neighborhood of townhomes, playgrounds, and not enough space. There is a lot of family close, mostly cousins, who I love being with, but like everyone else they have busy lives and kids.
Having next to nothing for socialization has been a big fat struggle. I cry almost everyday. I run every night like I'm running from some kind of creeper, I clean our house constantly..just to keep my mind off everything. But the truth is, that is not enough to fill my day. Being alone all day, messes with my head. And I start to doubt the things I've known my whole, the choices I've made, the kind of person I've chosen to be, the things I'm doing in my life. I have to constantly tell myself what I know is right and true. I have to remember that I wanted this life and that is a wonderful life. Full of love, and truth and blessings. Lots of blessings.
Finding the Balance:
This whole process of change has been hard for me. But I've learned a few lessons that I'm trying to apply to my life and live daily.
First I realized that I have been completely selfish. I kept telling dear husband that I needed a break. I needed something just for me. Something that no one else was apart of. Something that I could call mine. And someone who I don't even know taught me a lesson without even knowing it. She said, "I think as mother's and wives we often feel like we deserve a break from those duties we perform everyday. That we need to accomplish something that will makes us feel accomplished and important. But really, that's not what we need at all. We need to have Charity. Seeking out those in need and serving them to the best of our ability. When we show that love for someone else, in turn we will feel that for ourselves. And we will be full."
Now, I'm not suggesting that we never get a break...ever. Because we do every once in a while. But the work we do as mother's and wives is important. Muy importante! We are raising and nurturing those sweet children that Heavenly Father has trusted to give to us. I think that when we see and feel that importance of the work we're doing, it will become so much more enjoyable on a daily basis. We'll start seeing those small moments in our families of success. Instead of focusing on what me, myself and I want....I'll be better prepared and equipped to serve someone else in there time of need and in return Heavenly Father will bless me with those things I'm in need of.
Another good outcome of all this change is that husband and I have drawn closer together. We're not constantly hosting people at our home. We're not going and playing wallyball or raquetball every night.. we're spending time together as a family. As a couple. Which has been much needed for some time now. Lately I've felt I've just been living with a roommates that gets on my nerves..but since our move we've learned some tough lessons, that have brought us to low places. Places where we needed to go, to know what is really important and where our priorities need to lie. Not only do I feel like I'm living with my eternal sweetheart but I'm living with my best friend. When I learn these lesson's and see and feel the difference in our lives, I know that this was right. This, change. As hard as it may be some days I try and hold onto that.
Yours truly,
the unbalanced woman.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Friday, February 4, 2011
Confession # 15
Confession:
Today I was too tired to be a mom.
The Unbalance:
I just wanted to stay in bed all day, and sleep the day away. This whole teething thing is a nightmare! When Baby P woke up at "oh dark-thirty" this morning, I routinely walked to the kitchen poured some milk into a bottle, stuck it in the microwave for 30 seconds as I rested my head on the microwave door...once it beeped I put the lid on, walked into Phoenix's room, picked her up, brought her into our room, laid her down on the bed as she ate her bottle I dozed off again, she threw the bottle when she was finished and since it was so early I prayed she would go back to sleep...she didn't. So I rocked her until she fell asleep again. I climbed back into bed..I'm pretty sure I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow and I got another two hours of sleep.
Husband had his routine conference call for work at 9am, so I had to wake up and take care of Baby P. This didn't excite me at all. As soon as her feet hit the floor she was on a mission to destroy the perfectly organized living room I cleaned up the night before. I got a call from my brother asking if I could give him I ride, so I did. Then came home, and showered..luckily. Then I had to go back and pick him up and bring him back to his apartment. When I got home the hubs had put her down for a nap. I decided to lay down and get some more sleep. And OF COURSE she decides her nap is over once I get relaxed and settled into a nice sleeping position on the couch.
As she played around in the living room I attempted to continue my nap...yeah, that didn't happen. If I'm not on the floor actively engaged in whatever activity she is involved in..she won't leave me alone. But I really wanted to be left alone today. My head was pounding, I was exhausted and I was moody. I didn't want to be a mom today. I felt too tuckered out to continue. I dreamed of her being that little girl "Matilda" who could take care of herself by the time she was three. Cook, clean, read, write, go the bathroom....oh the life...OH THE SLEEP I WOULD GET! Of course, I don't want to neglect her or stop being her mom. I just want one day to sleep..just one. Of UN-interrupted, deep and comfortable sleep.
Finding the Balance:
Alright ladies..the answer is simple. Do you know what it is?? I know you do...GO TO BED EARLIER! At least, that is what will solve my sleepless-exhausted out of my mind dilemma. She goes to bed at a reasonable hour. So when she konks out, so should I! You know what my biggest problem is?...I have a hard time just going to bed. I think of all the other things I could do while she is asleep. Like, showering and cleaning, and getting laundry down and making dinner. I shouldn't do that. I should just sleep.
But the fact is: I can shower later. I can clean later..there really isn't a point when they are just going to make another mess anyway. I can do laundry later, I can cook dinner a little later. My sanity (which very much involves me getting plenty of sleep) is much more important to me then all of those other things. Being ABLE to take care of my baby is much more important then all those other things.
I bet there are days when are husbands come home and think, "Gosh, this house is a mess. I'm starving and there is no food. I'm out of clean underwear, I wish she could of done the laundry." But our good husbands usually don't express those things, because they realize that we are mothers. The fact that our children are healthy, happy, well fed and perfectly loved is all that they see and care about. Those things that are constantly on our minds to improve upon and that we worry that we're horrible at, honestly can wait another few hours, or even another day.
There are times where we can do nothing about how often our kids wake up at night. MOMMA'S those days won't last forever. In the meantime take every opportunity you can to get rest and STOP worrying about everything give yourself a break. It is well deserved and don't ever think it's not. Our callings as Mother's are noble and sacred and that means they're gonna be exhausting...so do yourself a favor and your babies to be a better mother.
REST. and RELAX.
And I'm going to take my own advice and go to bed since everyone else is asleep and it's almost one in the morning.
Today I was too tired to be a mom.
The Unbalance:
I just wanted to stay in bed all day, and sleep the day away. This whole teething thing is a nightmare! When Baby P woke up at "oh dark-thirty" this morning, I routinely walked to the kitchen poured some milk into a bottle, stuck it in the microwave for 30 seconds as I rested my head on the microwave door...once it beeped I put the lid on, walked into Phoenix's room, picked her up, brought her into our room, laid her down on the bed as she ate her bottle I dozed off again, she threw the bottle when she was finished and since it was so early I prayed she would go back to sleep...she didn't. So I rocked her until she fell asleep again. I climbed back into bed..I'm pretty sure I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow and I got another two hours of sleep.
Husband had his routine conference call for work at 9am, so I had to wake up and take care of Baby P. This didn't excite me at all. As soon as her feet hit the floor she was on a mission to destroy the perfectly organized living room I cleaned up the night before. I got a call from my brother asking if I could give him I ride, so I did. Then came home, and showered..luckily. Then I had to go back and pick him up and bring him back to his apartment. When I got home the hubs had put her down for a nap. I decided to lay down and get some more sleep. And OF COURSE she decides her nap is over once I get relaxed and settled into a nice sleeping position on the couch.
As she played around in the living room I attempted to continue my nap...yeah, that didn't happen. If I'm not on the floor actively engaged in whatever activity she is involved in..she won't leave me alone. But I really wanted to be left alone today. My head was pounding, I was exhausted and I was moody. I didn't want to be a mom today. I felt too tuckered out to continue. I dreamed of her being that little girl "Matilda" who could take care of herself by the time she was three. Cook, clean, read, write, go the bathroom....oh the life...OH THE SLEEP I WOULD GET! Of course, I don't want to neglect her or stop being her mom. I just want one day to sleep..just one. Of UN-interrupted, deep and comfortable sleep.
Finding the Balance:
Alright ladies..the answer is simple. Do you know what it is?? I know you do...GO TO BED EARLIER! At least, that is what will solve my sleepless-exhausted out of my mind dilemma. She goes to bed at a reasonable hour. So when she konks out, so should I! You know what my biggest problem is?...I have a hard time just going to bed. I think of all the other things I could do while she is asleep. Like, showering and cleaning, and getting laundry down and making dinner. I shouldn't do that. I should just sleep.
But the fact is: I can shower later. I can clean later..there really isn't a point when they are just going to make another mess anyway. I can do laundry later, I can cook dinner a little later. My sanity (which very much involves me getting plenty of sleep) is much more important to me then all of those other things. Being ABLE to take care of my baby is much more important then all those other things.
I bet there are days when are husbands come home and think, "Gosh, this house is a mess. I'm starving and there is no food. I'm out of clean underwear, I wish she could of done the laundry." But our good husbands usually don't express those things, because they realize that we are mothers. The fact that our children are healthy, happy, well fed and perfectly loved is all that they see and care about. Those things that are constantly on our minds to improve upon and that we worry that we're horrible at, honestly can wait another few hours, or even another day.
There are times where we can do nothing about how often our kids wake up at night. MOMMA'S those days won't last forever. In the meantime take every opportunity you can to get rest and STOP worrying about everything give yourself a break. It is well deserved and don't ever think it's not. Our callings as Mother's are noble and sacred and that means they're gonna be exhausting...so do yourself a favor and your babies to be a better mother.
REST. and RELAX.
And I'm going to take my own advice and go to bed since everyone else is asleep and it's almost one in the morning.
Sunday, January 30, 2011
Victory Confession:
Victory Confession:
I survived the FIRST year of motherhood!
My sweet angel turned ONE yesterday and I am just blown away at home fast time has flown! I'm even more blown away that I survived this first year alive and completely intact. I've had such wonderful experiences this past year that have taught me so much about how to be a better mother. The greatest source of where my betterment has come from I owe to a loving Heavenly Father who has guided me in this world of parenting and given me to tools to do so.
I also owe my gratitude to my fellow mothers who have given there support and advice during this new journey. As I've opened up about my struggles and triumphs as a new mother I've been overwhelmed at the amount of support I've received from you. We are all in this together. Whether your a mother or not..or even about to be. We've all experienced feelings of inadequacy sometime in our life. You all know that I've experienced those things and I feel that it is NOTHING to be ashamed of! I am doing so much better, but I still have my down days every once in awhile.
We all need to remember that motherhood is such a beautiful thing. Our bodies were created so we could bring new life into this world and what a precious gift that is! I hope you can all find comfort in that fact. You were made to do this. Whether you one...three...or a whole bundle of kids you have the ability to be great mother and you are.
Happy Mothering!
I survived the FIRST year of motherhood!
My sweet angel turned ONE yesterday and I am just blown away at home fast time has flown! I'm even more blown away that I survived this first year alive and completely intact. I've had such wonderful experiences this past year that have taught me so much about how to be a better mother. The greatest source of where my betterment has come from I owe to a loving Heavenly Father who has guided me in this world of parenting and given me to tools to do so.
I also owe my gratitude to my fellow mothers who have given there support and advice during this new journey. As I've opened up about my struggles and triumphs as a new mother I've been overwhelmed at the amount of support I've received from you. We are all in this together. Whether your a mother or not..or even about to be. We've all experienced feelings of inadequacy sometime in our life. You all know that I've experienced those things and I feel that it is NOTHING to be ashamed of! I am doing so much better, but I still have my down days every once in awhile.
We all need to remember that motherhood is such a beautiful thing. Our bodies were created so we could bring new life into this world and what a precious gift that is! I hope you can all find comfort in that fact. You were made to do this. Whether you one...three...or a whole bundle of kids you have the ability to be great mother and you are.
Happy Mothering!
Friday, January 7, 2011
Confession # 14
Confession:
Change is hard. Change is inevitable.
The Unbalance:
We are creatures of habit. When that habit faces change, whether it be because of our circumstances, because it's wrong or because it's not good for us...that's hard. We all have them. And some are harder to overcome then others.
For some....
It's hard to forgive.
It's hard to be social.
It's hard to not spend money even when you don't have any.
It's hard to have faith.
It's hard to cope with burdens alone.
It's hard being part of a new family.
It's hard being part of your own family.
It's hard to not be judgemental.
It's hard to choose the right, when doing something wrong seems so much easier.
It's hard to be happy, when being angry feels better for some reason.
It's hard overcoming weaknesses.
Life is just hard sometimes.
With my continued struggle with PPD I have days where I don't see the point in being better or even trying to be better. It's not until, miraculously, something or someone helps me to see the light and understand how I can change, and that I want to change.
How do we do that?.... How do we get a desire to change?....How?
Do we just wait around being idle expecting that Harry Potter's going to come and swish his wand around and fix it? (that would nice...and kinda cool)
That's not how it works though. What does faith mean to you? Believing in something you can't see? Having a hope that something will happen, even though you're just sitting there?
Finding the balance:
Faith is Action. Doing something to find the truth. Doing something to help you change.
For those who believe in God and know He's real and exists and loves you. How do you know that? You seek after Him. You read his words. You pray to Him.
When taking a test at school do you just have faith that you'll automatically know everything and pass? You have to study and know the material you have to educate yourself.
When becoming a new mother do you know everything there is to know about being a mom? You ask questions, you read books, you talk to your doctor, have get experience through other people's children.
That's what faith is. Doing something. Taking steps on your own to find a way to the truth.
I know that by taking an anti-depressant isn't going to take away my PPD. If I expect that the medication will just take it away, I would be in for a big shocker when I got off my medicine. I would relapse. So what have I done to ensure that I will be better when I do get off my meds? I have found outlets to release my frustrations and my sadness.
I exercise daily. I write so I can let it all out. I go to my Father in Heaven in prayer when I am in my deepest despair. I make a conscious effort daily to choose to be better and to keep looking for ways to improve myself as a mother and a wife.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a remarkable thing. The Atonement is where Jesus willing died upon a cross for you and for me. He died for our weaknesses and shortcomings. He died for our pain and infirmities. He died for our moments of despair and disappointments. He died for the wrong we have done and wrong things we will do later. Because He died for us, for all those things..He knows what it's like when we go through them and He can and will help us.
And do you know the best part? It's an Infinite Atonement. That means it works anytime, anywhere with anyone.
Change is hard. Change is inevitable.
But we do have control over how we change, when we change and what we do with that change.
Yours truly,
the unbalanced woman.
Change is hard. Change is inevitable.
The Unbalance:
We are creatures of habit. When that habit faces change, whether it be because of our circumstances, because it's wrong or because it's not good for us...that's hard. We all have them. And some are harder to overcome then others.
For some....
It's hard to forgive.
It's hard to be social.
It's hard to not spend money even when you don't have any.
It's hard to have faith.
It's hard to cope with burdens alone.
It's hard being part of a new family.
It's hard being part of your own family.
It's hard to not be judgemental.
It's hard to choose the right, when doing something wrong seems so much easier.
It's hard to be happy, when being angry feels better for some reason.
It's hard overcoming weaknesses.
Life is just hard sometimes.
With my continued struggle with PPD I have days where I don't see the point in being better or even trying to be better. It's not until, miraculously, something or someone helps me to see the light and understand how I can change, and that I want to change.
How do we do that?.... How do we get a desire to change?....How?
Do we just wait around being idle expecting that Harry Potter's going to come and swish his wand around and fix it? (that would nice...and kinda cool)
That's not how it works though. What does faith mean to you? Believing in something you can't see? Having a hope that something will happen, even though you're just sitting there?
Finding the balance:
Faith is Action. Doing something to find the truth. Doing something to help you change.
For those who believe in God and know He's real and exists and loves you. How do you know that? You seek after Him. You read his words. You pray to Him.
When taking a test at school do you just have faith that you'll automatically know everything and pass? You have to study and know the material you have to educate yourself.
When becoming a new mother do you know everything there is to know about being a mom? You ask questions, you read books, you talk to your doctor, have get experience through other people's children.
That's what faith is. Doing something. Taking steps on your own to find a way to the truth.
I know that by taking an anti-depressant isn't going to take away my PPD. If I expect that the medication will just take it away, I would be in for a big shocker when I got off my medicine. I would relapse. So what have I done to ensure that I will be better when I do get off my meds? I have found outlets to release my frustrations and my sadness.
I exercise daily. I write so I can let it all out. I go to my Father in Heaven in prayer when I am in my deepest despair. I make a conscious effort daily to choose to be better and to keep looking for ways to improve myself as a mother and a wife.
The Atonement of Jesus Christ is a remarkable thing. The Atonement is where Jesus willing died upon a cross for you and for me. He died for our weaknesses and shortcomings. He died for our pain and infirmities. He died for our moments of despair and disappointments. He died for the wrong we have done and wrong things we will do later. Because He died for us, for all those things..He knows what it's like when we go through them and He can and will help us.
And do you know the best part? It's an Infinite Atonement. That means it works anytime, anywhere with anyone.
Change is hard. Change is inevitable.
But we do have control over how we change, when we change and what we do with that change.
Yours truly,
the unbalanced woman.
Tuesday, November 30, 2010
Victory Confession # 3,4,5,6,7,8,
Victory Confessions:
#3- A pedestrian walked in front of my vehicle when there was NO crosswalk. Instead of honking,yelling, glaring the crap out of them and having a very strong desire to hit them---I only thought about doing those things while keeping a straight face. Not thee biggest step in the world and there is a scripture in Proverbs 23:7 that talks about, so a man thinketh, so he is... or something. Work in progress people...sanity and balance don't happen overnight.
#4- Spent Thanksgiving surrounded by 50 some people and I didn't cry once. And when asked how I was..I said,"Great!" and meant it.
#5- Remember the dude in Confession #9 ? He had it coming. Last time I saw him I didn't cry and told him I was making decision to better my life in the way I thought was best and that was none of his business and rude of him to call me a bad mother because he had no uterus. No uterus=no opinion.
#6-Instead of craving sugar and chocolate I crave running and pilates.
#7- I wake up in the morning excited that I woke up excited.
#8- The husband and I went on a date this past weekend and we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. Bliss.
#3- A pedestrian walked in front of my vehicle when there was NO crosswalk. Instead of honking,yelling, glaring the crap out of them and having a very strong desire to hit them---I only thought about doing those things while keeping a straight face. Not thee biggest step in the world and there is a scripture in Proverbs 23:7 that talks about, so a man thinketh, so he is... or something. Work in progress people...sanity and balance don't happen overnight.
#4- Spent Thanksgiving surrounded by 50 some people and I didn't cry once. And when asked how I was..I said,"Great!" and meant it.
#5- Remember the dude in Confession #9 ? He had it coming. Last time I saw him I didn't cry and told him I was making decision to better my life in the way I thought was best and that was none of his business and rude of him to call me a bad mother because he had no uterus. No uterus=no opinion.
#6-Instead of craving sugar and chocolate I crave running and pilates.
#7- I wake up in the morning excited that I woke up excited.
#8- The husband and I went on a date this past weekend and we couldn't keep our eyes off each other. Bliss.
Confession # 13
Confession:
I'm having separation anxiety.
The Unbalance:
Here's the dealio-- Baby P has gone down to nursing 4 times a day instead of the usual 12 when she was newborn. She is eating solids constantly, hates her vegetables, so we let her drink Light V8 Fusion which she loves. She just turned 10 months and is walking everywhere. You got it, there is a 27 inch tall baby running around. I'm not one of those mom's that gets really sad that their baby is growing up. I look forward to it. I encourage it. I'm ready for it. The way I look at it is that the older she gets the more independent and self entertaining she becomes, which in turn gives me some time to catch my breath and try and feel 21 again. But there is one tiny, itty-bitty, thing I'm having trouble with.....
I don't want to stop breastfeeding!
Just for fun yesterday I thought, " I wonder if she'll take some formula?" She's been stuck on my boob since the day she was born and every other time I tried it just to see if she'd take it, she refused. So I made a 4 ounce bottle, sat her down on my lap and gave it to her. And she took it! I was shock-ed and a-maze-ed! When she finished the bottle she yelled at me until I made another one. She downed another 8 ounces. It was kinda fun for the first 4 ounces and then it wasn't anymore.
I got jealous. I was jealous that she was receiving something I'd given her the past 10 months and she liked it. I guess if you're not a mom this might sound funny. But there is something so emotional about nursing your baby. Even if you don't realize it yet. I got so sad that my little girl was at a point where she could live without me in that way. In a way I feel completely unneeded and forgotten. When she was eating from the bottle I had this aching feeling in my back like I was about to go sing in front of a huge crowd of people or see someone I hadn't seen in years. You know what I'm talking about...that nervous feeling. Anxious
Since the day she was born I've said that there is no way there is another baby coming sooner then two years. Since having these feelings, it's the first time I ached to have another baby since Baby P was born. When I expressed these feeling to the husband, he laughed at me and told me I was silly. Which irked me. I believe his exact words were, "HA! Well, let's not think about that now!.....you're funny."
Was I trying to be funny? No. I wasn't. I told him to throw away the sarcasm and be understanding. He tried people. He really tried.
Finding the Balance:
I know. I know. This is part of life as a mother. Moving on, growing up, transition. This I totally realize. But it's hard to tell my heart that when I have that kind of connection with my baby. I talked with a few mama's today and they told me that they felt that too. It's definitely a hard transition. But not to worry that it would pass.
I guess for now I'll keep nursing her and use the formula for traveling or when she is being watched by someone else.
Ohhh the joys! In the not so distant past I would of almost killed the husband for laughing at me and being sarcastic. Can you say SUCCESS!!!!!! Speaking of success.....uhh, I'll make a whole nother post about that. Give you something else to read since I've been such a slacker for the past month.
I'm having separation anxiety.
The Unbalance:
Here's the dealio-- Baby P has gone down to nursing 4 times a day instead of the usual 12 when she was newborn. She is eating solids constantly, hates her vegetables, so we let her drink Light V8 Fusion which she loves. She just turned 10 months and is walking everywhere. You got it, there is a 27 inch tall baby running around. I'm not one of those mom's that gets really sad that their baby is growing up. I look forward to it. I encourage it. I'm ready for it. The way I look at it is that the older she gets the more independent and self entertaining she becomes, which in turn gives me some time to catch my breath and try and feel 21 again. But there is one tiny, itty-bitty, thing I'm having trouble with.....
I don't want to stop breastfeeding!
Just for fun yesterday I thought, " I wonder if she'll take some formula?" She's been stuck on my boob since the day she was born and every other time I tried it just to see if she'd take it, she refused. So I made a 4 ounce bottle, sat her down on my lap and gave it to her. And she took it! I was shock-ed and a-maze-ed! When she finished the bottle she yelled at me until I made another one. She downed another 8 ounces. It was kinda fun for the first 4 ounces and then it wasn't anymore.
I got jealous. I was jealous that she was receiving something I'd given her the past 10 months and she liked it. I guess if you're not a mom this might sound funny. But there is something so emotional about nursing your baby. Even if you don't realize it yet. I got so sad that my little girl was at a point where she could live without me in that way. In a way I feel completely unneeded and forgotten. When she was eating from the bottle I had this aching feeling in my back like I was about to go sing in front of a huge crowd of people or see someone I hadn't seen in years. You know what I'm talking about...that nervous feeling. Anxious
Since the day she was born I've said that there is no way there is another baby coming sooner then two years. Since having these feelings, it's the first time I ached to have another baby since Baby P was born. When I expressed these feeling to the husband, he laughed at me and told me I was silly. Which irked me. I believe his exact words were, "HA! Well, let's not think about that now!.....you're funny."
Was I trying to be funny? No. I wasn't. I told him to throw away the sarcasm and be understanding. He tried people. He really tried.
Finding the Balance:
I know. I know. This is part of life as a mother. Moving on, growing up, transition. This I totally realize. But it's hard to tell my heart that when I have that kind of connection with my baby. I talked with a few mama's today and they told me that they felt that too. It's definitely a hard transition. But not to worry that it would pass.
I guess for now I'll keep nursing her and use the formula for traveling or when she is being watched by someone else.
Ohhh the joys! In the not so distant past I would of almost killed the husband for laughing at me and being sarcastic. Can you say SUCCESS!!!!!! Speaking of success.....uhh, I'll make a whole nother post about that. Give you something else to read since I've been such a slacker for the past month.
Monday, November 29, 2010
Confession # 12
Confession:
I haven't posted in awhile.
Ha. You totally knew that. Let me fill you in on the past few weeks.
My anti-depressant has finally kicked in. I feel like me again.
I've been running everyday, except Sunday. Even in the snow. Really you ask? Yes, really!
I've been cooking a lot recently. Very strange for me.
All of us had an episode of an awful cold, which has finally passed out of our home. While sick for the week I watched ALL 10 seasons of Friends in 8 days. Don't judge, greatest show ever.
I've been able to look at my husband and think," I'm so glad you don't annoy me right now!"
I've had several encounters these past few months in helping other mother's cope and help overcome their own PPD. I never thought I would say this, but I've been grateful for my suffering and the added insight it's given me to help other mothers. I've learned that PPD manifests itself in different forms and that there is always someone going through it the same way.
Just stopping by to say I'm still here. Look for a new confession post within the next few days.
I haven't posted in awhile.
Ha. You totally knew that. Let me fill you in on the past few weeks.
My anti-depressant has finally kicked in. I feel like me again.
I've been running everyday, except Sunday. Even in the snow. Really you ask? Yes, really!
I've been cooking a lot recently. Very strange for me.
All of us had an episode of an awful cold, which has finally passed out of our home. While sick for the week I watched ALL 10 seasons of Friends in 8 days. Don't judge, greatest show ever.
I've been able to look at my husband and think," I'm so glad you don't annoy me right now!"
I've had several encounters these past few months in helping other mother's cope and help overcome their own PPD. I never thought I would say this, but I've been grateful for my suffering and the added insight it's given me to help other mothers. I've learned that PPD manifests itself in different forms and that there is always someone going through it the same way.
Just stopping by to say I'm still here. Look for a new confession post within the next few days.
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