Monday, February 27, 2012

Confession # 18 - Finding the JOY is hard

Confession: Finding the JOY in motherhood is hard.

Hi, friends.  I'm writing you from within the walls of my daughter's bedroom, while sitting on an exercise ball. Little P is coloring a turtle on one of the many children's app's I have on my phone.  Finding Nemo is playing in the background. There is a load of laundry running, a pile of dishes in the sink, an endless amount of lego's scattered across the entire upstairs and Baby boy M is wiggling around in my tummy like he's trying to squirm his way out like there's no tomorrow.

We had a great lesson at church yesterday in Relief Society. It was a good, and swift kick in the pants for me as I have been miss complainy pants these last few months of pregnancy.  We talked/learned about finding the Joy in motherhood.  I'm learning along with every other mother in the world how to this.  Especially on a daily basis.  Bringing children into the world is a beautiful thing. Plain and simple.  It's a huge responsibility becoming a parent.  And IT IS a noble one.  But the truth is, I don't feel that all the time. I don't feel it everyday or even every week.  In fact, I rarely feel it, if ever.

This whole mommy thing isn't a picnic. It's hard, exhausting, messy and emotionally draining.  But, I've learned..since I'm not blessed with feeling that nobility 24/7.  I have to find it.  I have to create opportunities to let it feel me up. I need to stop..and stop often and just soak in my Little P.  Soak in her baby powder smell and kiss her chubby cheeks. Look into her big blue eyes. Wipe away her alligator tears when she doesn't get her way.Laugh that she runs everywhere she goes and never walks.  Be proud of her independence and fierceness.  Cherish every cheesy grin and slobbery kiss.  Let her use the word "boy" for puppy just because it sounds cute.  Let her snuggle me for the millionth time at night even though it's waaay passed her bedtime.  Embrace the fact that she wants to be with me every second of the day, whether I'm sitting on the toilet peeing for the 8th time that morning, doing my makeup or crying in my bedroom because another 5 of my shirts won't go over my stomach.

These moments are what make it worthwhile and make it completely exhilarating to be a mother.  Because Little P is my first kiddo she'll be the one  I have all my "mommy firsts" with.  And I'm grateful it's this crazy girl.  

As I sit here in her room looking at all her several pairs of shoes, her million stuffed animals, her obnoxiously loud, musical toys, the scattered lego's and the crumbs of cereal EVERYWHERE.  I realize this is my joy.  There is a difference between happiness and joy. Happiness is temporary. It's great. But it doesn't always last.  But joy, that is eternal.  Just like my Little P and wiggling Baby Boy M.  I have them forever.  Nothing is more joyful then that.


the pregnant, unbalanced and joyful woman.