Friday, February 4, 2011

Confession # 15


Today I was too tired to be a mom.

The Unbalance:

I just wanted to stay in bed all day, and sleep the day away. This whole teething thing is a nightmare!  When Baby P woke up at "oh dark-thirty" this morning, I routinely walked to the kitchen poured some milk into a bottle, stuck it in the microwave for 30 seconds as I rested my head on the microwave door...once it beeped I put the lid on, walked into Phoenix's room, picked her up, brought her into our room, laid her down on the bed as she ate her bottle I dozed off again, she threw the bottle when she was finished and since it was so early I prayed she would go back to sleep...she didn't.  So I rocked her until she fell asleep again. I climbed back into bed..I'm pretty sure I was asleep before my head even hit the pillow and I got another two hours of sleep. 

Husband had his routine conference call for work at 9am, so I had to wake up and take care of Baby P.  This didn't excite me at all.  As soon as her feet hit the floor she was on a mission to destroy the perfectly organized living room I cleaned up the night before. I got a call from my brother asking if I could give him I ride, so I did. Then came home, and showered..luckily.  Then I had to go back and pick him up and bring him back to his apartment.  When I got home the hubs had put her down for a nap.  I decided to lay down and get some more sleep. And OF COURSE she decides her nap is over once I get relaxed and settled into a nice sleeping position on the couch.  

As she played around in the living room I attempted to continue my nap...yeah, that didn't happen. If I'm not on the floor actively engaged in whatever activity she is involved in..she won't leave me alone. But I really wanted to be left alone today.  My head was pounding, I was exhausted and I was moody.  I didn't want to be a mom today. I felt too tuckered out to continue.  I dreamed of her being that little girl "Matilda" who could take care of herself by the time she was three. Cook, clean, read, write, go the bathroom....oh the life...OH THE SLEEP I WOULD GET!  Of course, I don't want to neglect her or stop being her mom.  I just want one day to sleep..just one. Of UN-interrupted, deep and comfortable sleep.

Finding the Balance:

Alright ladies..the answer is simple. Do you know what it is?? I know you do...GO TO BED EARLIER!  At least, that is what will solve my sleepless-exhausted out of my mind dilemma.  She goes to bed at a reasonable hour. So when she konks out, so should I!  You know what my biggest problem is?...I have a hard time just going to bed. I think of all the other things I could do while she is asleep. Like, showering and cleaning, and getting laundry down and making dinner. I shouldn't do that. I should just sleep.

But the fact is: I can shower later. I can clean later..there really isn't a point when they are just going to make another mess anyway. I can do laundry later, I can cook dinner a little later.  My sanity (which very much involves me getting plenty of sleep) is much more important to me then all of those other things. Being ABLE to take care of my baby is much more important then all those other things. 

I bet there are days when are husbands come home and think, "Gosh, this house is a mess. I'm starving and there is no food. I'm out of clean underwear, I wish she could of done the laundry."  But our good husbands usually don't express those things, because they realize that we are mothers.  The fact that our children are healthy, happy, well fed and perfectly loved is all that they see and care about.  Those things that are constantly on our minds to improve upon and that we worry that we're horrible at, honestly can wait another few hours, or even another day.  

There are times where we can do nothing about how often our kids wake up at night.  MOMMA'S those days won't last forever.  In the meantime take every opportunity you can to get rest and STOP worrying about everything give yourself a break.  It is well deserved and don't ever think it's not.  Our callings as Mother's are noble and sacred and that means they're gonna be do yourself a favor and your babies to be a better mother. 


And I'm going to take my own advice and go to bed since everyone else is asleep and it's almost one in the morning.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

Victory Confession:

Victory Confession:

I survived the FIRST year of motherhood!

My sweet angel turned ONE yesterday and I am just blown away at home fast time has flown! I'm even more blown away that I survived this first year alive and completely intact. I've had such wonderful experiences this past year that have taught me so much about how to be a better mother.  The greatest source of where my betterment has come from I owe to a loving Heavenly Father who has guided me in this world of parenting and given me to tools to do so. 

I also owe my gratitude to my fellow mothers who have given there support and advice during this new journey.  As I've opened up about my struggles and triumphs as a new mother I've been overwhelmed at the amount of support I've received from you.  We are all in this together.  Whether your a mother or not..or even about to be.  We've all experienced feelings of inadequacy sometime in our life. You all know that I've experienced those things and I feel that it is NOTHING to be ashamed of!  I am doing so much better, but I still have my down days every once in awhile.  

We all need to remember that motherhood is such a beautiful thing.  Our bodies were created so we could bring new life into this world and what a precious gift that is!  I hope you can all find comfort in that fact.  You were made to do this.  Whether you one...three...or a whole bundle of kids you have the ability to be great mother and you are.

Happy Mothering!