Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Victory Confession #11

Victory Confession #11

Prayers are answered.

I wrote this super long Confession earlier today about how letting go is tough work, and about my emotional sob story about when our friends left after an awesome, laughter filled weekend and how I blubbered all the way home after they left and all night long and in my dreams and into this morning.... if you are wondering if there were any tears left??...Yes, there were plenty more.  I was just saving them up to use later on husbands white work shirt.

After reading it a few times and getting more and more depressed over the fact of how awful I was making my life sound, I decided to pray.  Praying for peace, for hope, praying for guidance, praying for relief.  I decided to take Baby P outside to play on the playground behind our house. As soon as I said, "outside" she bolted for the door and squealed.  I let her run free once we got around the corner and a girl from church who I'd only talked to a few times was outside as well watching her little boy shoot everything in site with Nurf darts.  Including my daughter...well he didn't actually shoot her, he pretended too. And she laughed every time he did it. She is the only person alive that would laugh at getting shot at.

I sat a good 20 feet away from her just watching Baby P run around loving getting "shot" and running around with the big girls, like she was one of them. She started talking to me slowly and within 5 minutes we were sitting right next to each other chatting like old friends.  She's just like me. Except taller, and skinner, with short black hair, and two kids, and is training for a marathon. Okay..maybe not just like me.  But our experiences as mothers are very similar.  Our struggles and triumphs. Some of our hobbies. Like running, although my running seems like nothing compared to her athletic ability to be super running marathon woman.

As we continued to share things about our lives and some of our similar experiences she looked at me, grabbed my shoulder and smiled so sweetly.  I was about to BUST into tears and instead I yelled out like a black chick, "We are SOOOUULLL SISTASSSS!" She laughed.

In that moment I felt so much hope. So much peace. I knew a watchful and never failing Father was taking care of me.

Not 30, minutes later husband received a phone call.  Our Bishop wanted us to come in and get to know us a little better. Honestly, I love knowing that I'm going in to the Bishop's office to receive a calling, and to tell him about my life because I'm quite proud of the life I have and am a little bit of a show off.  

Note: In our church each ward or congregation has a Bishop that presides over everybody, he is not paid.  Also the members of each ward participate in teaching other members. Instead of the Bishop talking each Sunday at the pulpit members of the congregation have the opportunity to bear testimony and help others learn more about the gospel. Every member is also given the choice to receive a calling within the ward wherever the Lord feels they should go.

So, we went in and chatted for about an hour.  Told him of our previous callings, about our families, about our marriage, our struggles and weaknesses. I felt nothing but absolute love and concern coming from this man.  He has such a kind spirit.

I felt totally uplifted at the end of the day and realized how much Heavenly Father cares for each of His children.  I read a quote today by a marvelous woman, " As you create a home, don't get distracted with a lot of things that have no meaning for you or your family.  Don't dwell on your failures, but think about your successes.  Have joy in your home. Have joy in your children. Have Joy in your husband. Be grateful for the journey."

As I read that I realize that my "Confessions" outweigh my Victories and that doesn't seem right. I know each of us will be better for focusing on the good, as hard as it may be at times to remember the things which we know are right and true, especially the worth we have as Mother's and wives, but holding onto that and living it is a much better way to live. I will be better.  Will you?

Yours truly, 

the unbalanced woman (but trying to be more positive about it)