Confession # 7

Confession:

I feel like I should be "Holly Homemaker"

The Unbalance:

Because I'm a stay at home mom and don't have a pressing schedule to stick too, I obviously have time to do my household duties everyday.  But there are days when I want to be lazy, not shower, stay in my PJ's, snack on sugary goodness and watch mushy gushy movies all day or Harry Potter.

I should probably  be honest with you (and myself). The days I want to do those things aren't every once in awhile...they're....okay, they're everyday.  And I usually do that everyday.  I said it. There. I'm a lazy bum.  I always think, "Well, tomorrow is an open day, I'll just do everything tomorrow."  But then the next day I think the same thing and keep avoiding doing the dishes, vacuuming the house, sweeping the kitchen, folding laundry, exercising. etc..

When people ask me how my day was and what I did.  I totally try and make it sound like I've been super busy taking care of my baby.  Yeah, it's hard being a mom and taking care a little one.  But honestly, I have the easiest baby alive.  She usually plays by herself and just wanders around the apartment and explores.  So, really my day isn't busy.

As of late, I've felt a little overwhelmed with pressure of being some kind of "super mom and wife". I feel like a lot is expected of me. Getting up early. Always having every meal prepared. Looking my best. Being involved in a million in a half extra-curricular activities. Having the house pefect.  Doing all of the chores.

It's not like I don't want to do those things, I'll get to a point where I can't stand how many dirty dishes are in the sink, or how dirty the floor is, in the kitchen and I'll get things done. I sometimes feel like I need to be "on the ball" constantly.

Finding the Balance:

I have found that lists are miraculous things.  

First, with my PPD if I have a completely unorganized, chaotic day I go a little nuts and start to stress and get overwhelmed. If I make a list of things I need to do during the day, I have a visual reminder of what needs to be done and then I can cross them off. And at the end of the day whether or not I got it all done, those things I did get done, it's nice to see them crossed off and I feel accomplished.  

Second, if I want a "nothing" day, and just relax. I still make a list of all the relaxing things I want to do. For example, *Take a bubble bath. *dress in my super warm and comfy sweatpants.*Watch Pride and Prejudice, and She's the Man."  I guess it's my way of telling myself it's okay to have a down day.

And ya know? If I'm not a perfect homemaker, what's the big deal?  I'm really trying to be a good mom, I'm trying even harder to be a good wife and I'm taking control of the things in my life that need fixing. AKA: my PPD.  I have found when I'm doing all I can for my Heavenly Father, my daughter, and my husband, the rest falls into place and my desires change. I desire to have a clean home that I can take pride in, I desire to have meals prepared so my husband and I can have a nice, healthy meal. I desire to get things done and I enjoy it.

So, let's forget about "Holly Homemaker" and be who you want to be, be your best self.