Confession # 5

Confession:

I'm a worry-wart.

The Unbalance:

I think you no the "unbalance" in this immediately. Worrying does absolutely no good. Especially not constantly. Over little things. Silly things.  I seem to worry about the little things and not the big things. Is that weird? 


Like I worry about getting the garbage out to the curb on time (which we totally spaced today)
I worry about keeping the house clean in case somebody happens to visit during the day. 
I worry when I'm driving and I know my exit is coming up and I'm in the wrong lane.
I worry that my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night (I know this is a pretty lagitimate worry, but I worry about it ALL the time)
I worry about missing phone calls.
I worry about our grass getting mowed and what people think when it doesn't get done.

I remember having a conversation with my mom awhile ago and I was venting all my worries and when I was finished she said, "When did you become such a worrier? You weren't like this growing up."


Well, I can tell you the EXACT day I started worrying and WHY. It was a Saturday. May 16th. Can you guess?......


It was the day I found out I was pregnant.


A million in a half things were running through my mind and it only got worse as my pregnancy progressed. Mixed with hormones, and morning sickness, and heartburn, constipation, hemorrihoids (if you think that was TMI, then you shouldn't be reading this, we share ALL here!) and countless other uncomfortable things.


When she was born. My life froze and I was unequivocally happy. I have never felt so much love for one person.


Then we came home.


Annnnnd the worrying started again! It's like this never ending cycle of making yourself go crazy!


I'm not worried about our future. I'm not worried about money. I'm not worried about making big purchases. I worry about the things that make absolutely no difference how they turn out. 


I think having PPD magnifies these things into bigger issues for me. Making them seem like really big deals when they just plain old don't matter.  I mean getting stressed about not being in the right lane to make your exit?? Seriously???

Finding the Balance:

There was/is a saying in my house growing up that I absolutely hated.  It came from my poppa who thinks about life very logically and rationally.  He wouldn't let emotion so much effect the way he made decisions.  And it was frustrating for me, as a teenager, to have him tell me what to do with my emotions, especially since I didn't feel like he really understood what was going on in my head. But now, I realize, my dear father was right all along. The saying is:


If you can't do anthing about it, don't worry about it.

So, when I'm going through a major life crisis, or something small and insignificant I ask myself, "Can I do anything about this right now?" And if I can't I let it go. Well, I at least try. 

I understand that it is not that simple. Especially when it comes to women, when, as I've said before, we bring emotion into everything and let it run our lives and how we act and treat people etc...

But it's a pretty simple way for me, to not be such a spazz.  So, if you're anything like me and are a worry-wart.  And all the little things seem to bother you or even the big things. Ask yourself, "Is there anything in my power, that I can do right now to change this or make it better?" If you can fix it, then fix it. If you can't, then you can't.  We shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect and get everything right and do everything all at once.  And I truly believe that God doesn't expect that from us either. Christ was perfect and we are suppose to follow His example but does that mean perfection is required of us right this very second?  NO WAY!!  I think He just wants us to try. 


We just have to take one worry at a time and slow down for a second. So....


Breathe with me......ahhhhhhhhh.