Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Confession # 5

Confession:

I'm a worry-wart.

The Unbalance:

I think you no the "unbalance" in this immediately. Worrying does absolutely no good. Especially not constantly. Over little things. Silly things.  I seem to worry about the little things and not the big things. Is that weird? 


Like I worry about getting the garbage out to the curb on time (which we totally spaced today)
I worry about keeping the house clean in case somebody happens to visit during the day. 
I worry when I'm driving and I know my exit is coming up and I'm in the wrong lane.
I worry that my baby will stop breathing in the middle of the night (I know this is a pretty lagitimate worry, but I worry about it ALL the time)
I worry about missing phone calls.
I worry about our grass getting mowed and what people think when it doesn't get done.

I remember having a conversation with my mom awhile ago and I was venting all my worries and when I was finished she said, "When did you become such a worrier? You weren't like this growing up."



Well, I can tell you the EXACT day I started worrying and WHY. It was a Saturday. May 16th. Can you guess?......


It was the day I found out I was pregnant.


A million in a half things were running through my mind and it only got worse as my pregnancy progressed. Mixed with hormones, and morning sickness, and heartburn, constipation, hemorrihoids (if you think that was TMI, then you shouldn't be reading this, we share ALL here!) and countless other uncomfortable things.


When she was born. My life froze and I was unequivocally happy. I have never felt so much love for one person.


Then we came home.


Annnnnd the worrying started again! It's like this never ending cycle of making yourself go crazy!


I'm not worried about our future. I'm not worried about money. I'm not worried about making big purchases. I worry about the things that make absolutely no difference how they turn out. 


I think having PPD magnifies these things into bigger issues for me. Making them seem like really big deals when they just plain old don't matter.  I mean getting stressed about not being in the right lane to make your exit?? Seriously???

Finding the Balance:

There was/is a saying in my house growing up that I absolutely hated.  It came from my poppa who thinks about life very logically and rationally.  He wouldn't let emotion so much effect the way he made decisions.  And it was frustrating for me, as a teenager, to have him tell me what to do with my emotions, especially since I didn't feel like he really understood what was going on in my head. But now, I realize, my dear father was right all along. The saying is:


If you can't do anthing about it, don't worry about it.

So, when I'm going through a major life crisis, or something small and insignificant I ask myself, "Can I do anything about this right now?" And if I can't I let it go. Well, I at least try. 

I understand that it is not that simple. Especially when it comes to women, when, as I've said before, we bring emotion into everything and let it run our lives and how we act and treat people etc...

But it's a pretty simple way for me, to not be such a spazz.  So, if you're anything like me and are a worry-wart.  And all the little things seem to bother you or even the big things. Ask yourself, "Is there anything in my power, that I can do right now to change this or make it better?" If you can fix it, then fix it. If you can't, then you can't.  We shouldn't expect ourselves to be perfect and get everything right and do everything all at once.  And I truly believe that God doesn't expect that from us either. Christ was perfect and we are suppose to follow His example but does that mean perfection is required of us right this very second?  NO WAY!!  I think He just wants us to try. 


We just have to take one worry at a time and slow down for a second. So....


Breathe with me......ahhhhhhhhh.



7 comments:

  1. I love you! I find your posts very insightly. I'm glad you have learned some of the lessons that we tried to teach you over the years. This is one of the "parent paydays".

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  2. I can so relate with you. I am undeniably a worrier and when I was younger (and when we were making decisions about moving for grad school) I used to have panic attacks where I literally couldn't breathe and I thought I was going to die!

    My children have taught me that the feeling of control is just an illusion, you have absolutely no control over anything but your reaction to a situation.

    Thanks for the reminder

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  3. I LOVE this! I think all women can relate! We are just so driven by emotion! P.S. We totally spaced the trash too! gaw

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  4. I worry about things I can't control. BECAUSE I can't control them. So it's an inevitable circle. That I slowly drive myself mad about. I worry about a lot of self-conscious things. Like the lawn mowing. I worry about what other people think and there is nothing I can do about what they think no matter how hard I try. Which makes it interesting that I am sharing so much in your comments. haha

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  5. ha! We missed the garbage this week too! Thanks for writing all the things that I'm too scared to write :) I worry about EVERYTHING! And it started the day I became a mom too. Hmmm... coincidence? I think not. I've just recently come to realize that at the root of my worrying comes from worrying about what other people think of me. I used to not care about what people thought of me before I had a baby (ok, well I did a tiny bit). After I had Sydney for some reason I started caring so much about others perception of me! It drives me MAD! Anyways, like usual your post made me feel better about myself knowing I'm not the only one here:)

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  6. I'm a worrier too! But my major problem lately: Skyler wants to move Sylvie from sleeping with us to her bassinet or her crib... Which I'm TOTALLY worrying about. I know it would be smart to do that but since Skyler works about 3-4 nights a week meaning he is gone from 7pm to 7am I have a hard time sleeping by myself and am not ready for my baby to be anywhere without me. I want her by myside always. Its become a problem. I am very attached to her. Lets just say she goes everywhere with me. Any advice on what to do about her sleeping situtation?

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  7. Emily (Reel) WarnerOctober 14, 2010 at 7:17 AM

    I TOTALLY AGREE!!i am so much like you in all you blogs its not even funny!i have so much in common with you! i have always been a worrier.i mean it has gotten so bad to the point where i have sevear anxiety, and i have given myself an ulcer from worring so much!its probably one of the hardest things to let go even though you want to.sometimes i feel like i am not living life to the fullest because of my anxiety..but i try to. i have always been this way though even in high school i drew myself away from people beasue i would get so worried that they wouldnt like me, or wouldnt like what i was wearing, or how i looked...now i am a much different person and am so thankful to God that high school is over with i totally did not enjoy it at all..now i have a wonderful life with my amaizing husband!and i have found that my anxiety isnt as bad as it used to be im kinda growing out of it, but when mike and i decide to start having children (maybe this next spring/summer)i know that my anxiety levels are just going to sky rocket!how did you deal with your anxiety when you were pregnant kara, especially when you didnt feel very good?

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