Sunday, April 22, 2012

Confession #20 - One month of Exhausting Joy

Confession: It's been a month of exhausting joy.

I've recently been hit with a 2 by 4 of overwhelming reasons to be joyful about my life as a mother.  A few of those reasons happen to be two friends of mine lost their sweet baby girls.  One of them passed away the day after my sweet Baby M was born and the other just happened this past Wednesday.  

I haven't been able to get these two sweet families out of mind and wishing there was something I could do or say to take their pain away. I'm sure they're grateful for the words of comfort those they know have offered and the service done on their behalf.  But I can't help but think how hard this has been for them.  My prayers are filled with their names each night, praying for peace and mended hearts as they continue here on earth while their sweet angels watch over them.

Because of this I have promised to be a more grateful mother.  

My Baby Boy M had just come to this earth when I heard about Baby girl C and I squeezed him tight and was grateful I got to take him home from the hospital. 

When I heard about Baby girl H and her passing, it was later in the evening while I was trying mightily to get Baby M back to sleep and I was over come with the grateful feeling that I could experience such exhaustion. Because my sweet friend will never be able to feel that.  I was grateful I could be so tired for such a wonderful, healthy miracle in my life.

It's been one month today that I've been the mother of my two sweet little ones.  I'm going to honest....

I've been doing really well.  I'm rather in shock at how well, emotionally, I've been doing.  And I keep waiting for things to plummet and to go dark.  But I've been keeping steady.  I'm not in uncharted waters with having a newborn, I've done this once before and so I feel like I know what to expect.  As for Little P, I'm constantly experiencing new things with her that test my patience and temper, and also get to have proud momma moments when she yells, "LOVE YOU" over the breakfast table just because. Or when Baby M cries and I don't hear him she'll come tell me because she really loves her baby brother.

This whole mommy thing sure is sweet.

I'm sweetly reminded each time I get to stare into BOTH my little ones baby blue eyes, that these two angels aren't just mine, but their Heavenly Father's too and He's trusting me with them... I gladly leave the piles of laundry, and the dirty dishes, and the diaper covered floor alone and take time for my children.

I hope you can have these sweet moments and savor them. It's quite wonderful.

Yours truly,

the unbalanced, grateful, mother of two.