Thursday, March 29, 2012

A Birth Story

Baby M's Birth Story

Well, it's happened. I'm a mother of 2.  It hasn't hit me yet, it all seems a little unreal.  But let me tell you how he got here....

At my 38 week appointment I was actually in the hospital because I was having regular contractions and my midwife just did the appointment before I went home that night because my baby boy wasn't coming yet.  We found out that night that he was transverse (sideways) and not head down.  I immediately panicked thinking I'd have to get a c section..  But my midwife was confident that with doing some stretches on my own at home that we could successfully get him turned.  So, for the next week that's what I did.  I did everything my midwife recommended, and found more things on the internet to try.  I was a complete mess all week because I wanted him to turn so badly and I couldn't focus on anything else.  

Wednesday came around (the 21st) at my 39 week check up and viola! He was head down, I cried laying there on the table because I was so relieved.  I was scheduled to do a version the next morning to get him turned, which I didn't need to do anymore, and then they would start my induction.  I was also 2cm dilated which made me even more excited that things would go smoothly the next morning and my baby boy would finally be here.

I came home that afternoon and still did my stretches just to make sure he stayed right where we wanted me too.  We dropped Little P off at a friend's house for the night since the induction was schedule so early in the morning. My mom was headed out from Iowa and I was a happy clam.  We went to bed early that night to get a full nights rest for our big day.  At midnight I woke up with contractions about 10 minutes apart.  I didn't think much of it because this had been happening for several days and nothing came of it.  So I'd fall asleep for 10 minutes in between each one.  Then at 3 am they became closer together.  I decided to get up and move around, drink some water, sit on my exercise ball and then I eventually showered at about 4:30am.  The shower helped the most but the contractions didn't lessen at all.  I was getting kind of excited that my body was doing its thing all on its own and hopefully that meant things were going to go super fast once I got to the hospital.

I got out of the shower and the contractions started coming about 3 minutes apart and they hurt.  I had to breath through them and stop what I was doing every time I got one.  I called my midwife to let her know what was going on and see if I should go into the hospital early.  Well the answering service I called took down the wrong number and I waited for an hour to hear back from her. So after lots of confusion I got a hold of her and she told me to go to the hospital right away.  I had woken dear hubby up at this point and he was showered and got everything in the car.  We headed for the hospital at 5:45am.  When I got there I could barely breathe in between each contraction and they quickly got me admitted and into a bed.  Once I got into bed they check me and brought the ultrasound machine in to make sure hew as still head down.  I was dilated to a 4 almost 5cm and the nurse could feel feet! NOT A HEAD!  I, of course fahhh-reaked out and started crying.  Hubby just held my hand and told me everything was going to be fine.  

So, after an hour of breathing through contractions that were coming extremely fast and then finding out that the ultrasound machine was broke and trying to find a new one I was exhausted.  My midwife arrived and she checked me again and I was at 7!  There was panic everywhere in the room and it seem about a dozen people were coming and going constantly.  They decided to go ahead with the C section and I just couldn't help but cry.  This is not what I wanted.  

Once they poked me a million times to get my I.V started they wheeled me into the operating room and got me set up to get my spinal block.  Once that was done it was almost instantaneous that I felt relief and numbness through my whole body.  It was the most comfortable I'd been my whole pregnancy and I took that moment to come to terms with getting a c section and calm myself down.  

They had a mirror in the room so you could see what was going on before they pulled the curtain up by my head.  I was strapped down to a table and completely naked.  I was rather horrified that all my lady parts were being exposed under a bunch of bright lights.  

Once they pulled the curtain up all I did was look at hubby, whiled he stroked my hand and face.  They told me I would feel a lot of pressure when they were taking the baby out but I honestly felt nothing.  He immediately cried as soon as his head was out and they took him to get cleaned off and checked out.  I was able to see him the whole time and I just watched and cried and prayed, prayers of gratitude that he was here. I don't know how long we were in there, but it felt like forever before I could hold my Baby M.  At one point during the process of being stitched up I started to feel extremely light headed and sick.  One of the doc's came over and asked how I was feeling and I said I didn't feel very good. He proceeded to tell me that my uterus was currently OUTSIDE my body to get stitched up.  I have no idea why I didn't ask why they were doing that at the time, and wished I would of said something.  He reassured me that once it was back in my body I'd feel better.  "Well, uh thank mister. I sure hope so."  Was all I could think. 

Once they were finished they moved me into my recovery room and hubby brought me my baby boy.  I mostly just felt relief that it was all over and that I wasn't pregnant anymore... but to my surprise that was just the start of everything.

My recovery has been rough.  I went home after 3 days mostly because hubby couldn't stand it at the hospital anymore and I was hoping I'd feel loads better once I was home in my own bed.  

We are one week postpartum and I guess I'm feeling okay.  Yesterday was rough. I cried most of the day in the solitude of my room with Baby M sleeping away in his bed and Little P with my mom watching movies and playing.  I just have this overwhelming fear that my body will never go back to normal and that once I do start feeling a little better and all my help is gone that I just won't be able to handle being a mother of 2.  I vented my fears and frustrations to  hubby and he very tenderly told me to just take one day at a time. "Don't worry about tomorrow or the next day, don't worry about next week or next month. Just today. That's all you need to do."  he said.

As simple as that was it made me feel a lot better.  He even addressed other issues I mentioned without prompting him to help me.  I think it was the first time he's ever done that.  It gave me a great sense of confidence in myself, knowing he had confidence in me and was willing to help me along the way.  After my little sob fest, we decided to get out of the house.  My mom kept the baby while we went to a park and let Little P run out all her energy. I sat in the car and watched as she chased Hubby around and as she daringly went down all the "big' slides by herself and then clapped and yelled for Daddy to go down them too.  We also stopped at the grocery store and hubby let me get some donuts, and a Redbox Dvd and he surprised me by buying a "Dad's orange cream soda" My favorite.

Today has been much better. I've moved around a lot more and tried to get a few things done just to feel productive.  I know there will be much harder days ahead.  But right now, I'm only going to worry about today.  

Excuse me while I go help Little P hold Baby M because she's been asking all day.

Yours truly,

the unbalanced, in recovery, mother of 2, woman.