Friday, October 8, 2010

Confession # 3


I dropped out of college.

The Unbalance:

What was your first thought thought when you read that?
"That's not smart of her to do that"
"You have access to a high quality, low coast education and you're not going to take that?"
"What if your husband dies? What are you going to do since you didn't get a degree?"

Let me tell you the story.

I've mentioned not really excelling in my academic studies while I was in High School and it was no different when I got to college. I always struggled, mostly with tests. After the husband and I got married in April 2008, we headed back to school.  At the beginning of June I started getting sick and I was put on bed rest. Each week I would get worse and each week, the doctor told me to stay on bed rest for another week.  I had to quit my job, I fell behind in school, like way behind. By the time I could actually get out of the house and feel like I was functioning properly I had missed half the semester. I was failing all my classes.  I went and talk to the academic office to see what I could, to see if I could defer this semester and kind of start over. They told me that was impossible and that I would probably get kicked out. Trying to figure out what to do that week, I just about went crazy.  Every day I thought about dropping out, but worried about what to do with my life. I didn't have a job or any prospect of getting one, we weren't planning on starting our family for at least another year, so what would I do?

I was a complete mess. I probably spent more time down on my knees then anything else, trying to get some kind of guidance.  Then, one day it finally came! I knew the right thing do was to drop out. 

Not gonna lie though. I was terrified.  I was constantly being told that if I wasn't in school, that I needed to be a mom. And if I wasn't going to be a mom, that I needed to be in school. And what would I do with my life if I wasn't doing any of those things. I wasn't progressing, I was feeling a lot of pressure to do and be what everybody else thought I should be.  

So, despite not knowing what I was going to do with my life I took a leap of faith and followed that prompting.

For the next two months were the most most awful months I believe of my life.  I just sat at home literally doing nothing. Have you ever heard of Stargate? It's a SyFy show that my husband loves. It has aliens, and space ships and alternate realities. It has 10 seasons. Well, I watched all 10 2 weeks. I also went and bought a beta fish, which we called Zoey (and later we figured out it was a boy) and I started talking to it. Like having conversations.  So now you see... crazy..and no

In October I FINALLY found a job that was great for me. I was making enough money to support us and I was able to meet new people everyday. But I was still struggling.  People that came into the office would ask what I was doing with my life. They'd ask if I was going to school or they'd get a little more personal and ask when we were gonna have kids. I felt like everybody was unsatisfied with my choices. So when they'd ask me, I would lie and say, "I'm just taking from school, I'm gonna go back soon." Knowing, that I wasn't on a break and that I wasn't going back.

That's where the unbalance began.  I was so concerned about what everybody thought about me, that I forgot I had made the right choice for ME.

Finding the Balance:

Once I started working more and accepting and realizing and of course living that I had made the right choice. I wasn't afraid to tell people, that I dropped out of college and I'm not planning on going back.  

We are too focused, for some reason, on what other people think of us and what other people expect from us. Why do we do that?  Why do we care so much about other people's opinions?
When, really we should be concerned about what our Father in Heaven wants us to do. It's hard, sometimes to do that. Because, physically, God isn't with us all the time. But we're surrounded by others all the time, that have there own opinions, so I think it's easier to focus on that. 

We just need to change our focus.

So, I, without any fear tell all who ask, that I dropped out of school and it was the right decision for me. Is there a chance that something could happen to my dear husband? Maybe.  Am I going to be presented with opportunities that I want to experience, but I won't because I didn't finish school? Most likely.  But I have faith and confidence in the fact that God has led me to where I am today and I have a pretty fantastic life. So I have no doubt in the future He still take care of me.


  1. Hi-5 for college drop outs!! I'm more of a worker bee anyways. (I never made it far enough to go to a real college, so I'm more of a community college drop out)

    Good for you for finding out what you needed to do!

    and i have nooooo regrets.
    this is where i need to be.

  3. Kara, that is awesome that you were able to find the courage to make decisions for you, not anyone else. I get caught up in worrying what people think. In fact, it drives Allen crazy that I am not confident in public. You're right, everyone will have their own opinions, but what ultimately matters is that you are making decisions for yourself and your family based on the promptings from the spirit. After I graduated, many people were disappointed that I was not using my degree right away because I wanted to stay home with my baby. I just learned that I was supposed to have Rylie at this time and I want to enjoy my time with her if circumstances allow. Thank you for posting this! I love love love your blog!

  4. You make me feel confident in the confessions I am too worried to make. I hate the generic questions about school or family. There is not pressure in them just simple questions because people can't think of anything else to ask. But I load the pressure behind them like a gun at my head. I wish I would have finished school, but I couldn't had to let my hubby work. Family came...too late! Plus if I had gotten my degree then by the time I used it (if my husband died or kids grew up and moved out) I think it would be in the FAR future and my degree would be TOTALLY outdated. My little sisters are learning the same stuff in elementary right now!
    Long comment. Guess I wanted to confess to somebody.

  5. Kara- I LOVE this. Especially this post. I am so concerned how other people view me that I loose focus on what really important- Just being happy with God, family and myself! I love this!

  6. i feel the same way i never went to college because of fear of failure..i struggled my way through hs...i always got my tests back and always failed..i could never get the anxiety to go away and i was so down on myself about always failing. i think i only passed one test in history when i was in was so hard to see all the very academically talented kids in all my classes pass every single test and i couldnt even get "C" on one of came down to the point that i had to take my tests in a separate room..i was in resource just for that reason. when i was a baby i got lead poisoning and it literally ruined all of my comprehension skills. i can not read a book that i even enjoy and remember hardly a thing about it!its so frusterating!!i always was a hands on person growing up and i always knew deep down that college wouldnt be a good choice for me. i just couldnt see myself go for it, and totally fail and waste all that money and time for nothing!i always felt like i was letting my family down..for 2 years after hs at least, my family would always ask me so when are you going back to school? and they would say you know that you cant rely on anybody for money and to live...what are you going to do with your life? i totally felt like i was a failure and that only smart people (im not saying that i am not smart because i am, i am just smart in my own ways) who had real lives went to college so where does that leave me? it was a very belittleing thing for me to go through, and it was so tough!then i prayed and tryed to ask God to guide me down the right path, and he led me to michael my loving husband now!i knew that this was the right thing for me to do, and sooner or later people would realize that this is what i wanted with my life and this is what i was soposed to be doing. they all think that i am crazy and too young even now to think about having children. but i know in my heart that thats what i have always wanted...sometimes you just have to ignore what peoples opionions are, and what they think of you, or it will drive you insane!i have always been that peorson who worries too much about what people think of me, but really i shouldnt because if i always worry about what they think then i am not truely living my own life and that makes me unhappy.sorry i am so long winded it is just nice to be able to relate to you!its awesome!thank you so much!