Confession # 3

Confession:

I dropped out of college.

The Unbalance:

What was your first thought thought when you read that?
"That's not smart of her to do that"
"You have access to a high quality, low coast education and you're not going to take that?"
"What if your husband dies? What are you going to do since you didn't get a degree?"

Let me tell you the story.

I've mentioned not really excelling in my academic studies while I was in High School and it was no different when I got to college. I always struggled, mostly with tests. After the husband and I got married in April 2008, we headed back to school.  At the beginning of June I started getting sick and I was put on bed rest. Each week I would get worse and each week, the doctor told me to stay on bed rest for another week.  I had to quit my job, I fell behind in school, like way behind. By the time I could actually get out of the house and feel like I was functioning properly I had missed half the semester. I was failing all my classes.  I went and talk to the academic office to see what I could, to see if I could defer this semester and kind of start over. They told me that was impossible and that I would probably get kicked out. Trying to figure out what to do that week, I just about went crazy.  Every day I thought about dropping out, but worried about what to do with my life. I didn't have a job or any prospect of getting one, we weren't planning on starting our family for at least another year, so what would I do?


I was a complete mess. I probably spent more time down on my knees then anything else, trying to get some kind of guidance.  Then, one day it finally came! I knew the right thing do was to drop out. 


Not gonna lie though. I was terrified.  I was constantly being told that if I wasn't in school, that I needed to be a mom. And if I wasn't going to be a mom, that I needed to be in school. And what would I do with my life if I wasn't doing any of those things. I wasn't progressing, I was feeling a lot of pressure to do and be what everybody else thought I should be.  


So, despite not knowing what I was going to do with my life I took a leap of faith and followed that prompting.


For the next two months were the most most awful months I believe of my life.  I just sat at home literally doing nothing. Have you ever heard of Stargate? It's a SyFy show that my husband loves. It has aliens, and space ships and alternate realities. It has 10 seasons. Well, I watched all 10 seasons.....in 2 weeks. I also went and bought a beta fish, which we called Zoey (and later we figured out it was a boy) and I started talking to it. Like having conversations.  So now you see... crazy..and no life.none.zero.nada.


In October I FINALLY found a job that was great for me. I was making enough money to support us and I was able to meet new people everyday. But I was still struggling.  People that came into the office would ask what I was doing with my life. They'd ask if I was going to school or they'd get a little more personal and ask when we were gonna have kids. I felt like everybody was unsatisfied with my choices. So when they'd ask me, I would lie and say, "I'm just taking from school, I'm gonna go back soon." Knowing, that I wasn't on a break and that I wasn't going back.


That's where the unbalance began.  I was so concerned about what everybody thought about me, that I forgot I had made the right choice for ME.


Finding the Balance:

Once I started working more and accepting and realizing and of course living that I had made the right choice. I wasn't afraid to tell people, that I dropped out of college and I'm not planning on going back.  

We are too focused, for some reason, on what other people think of us and what other people expect from us. Why do we do that?  Why do we care so much about other people's opinions?
When, really we should be concerned about what our Father in Heaven wants us to do. It's hard, sometimes to do that. Because, physically, God isn't with us all the time. But we're surrounded by others all the time, that have there own opinions, so I think it's easier to focus on that. 


We just need to change our focus.


So, I, without any fear tell all who ask, that I dropped out of school and it was the right decision for me. Is there a chance that something could happen to my dear husband? Maybe.  Am I going to be presented with opportunities that I want to experience, but I won't because I didn't finish school? Most likely.  But I have faith and confidence in the fact that God has led me to where I am today and I have a pretty fantastic life. So I have no doubt in the future He still take care of me.