Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Confession #1


I, like most mothers, suffer with postpartum depression (PPD). I am on an anti-depressant.
And I am not ashamed to talk about it.

1 out of 679 women in the U.S. suffer with it, but those are only the ones who reported they did.

I've always wanted to be a mother. I wasn't that great in school, I didn't excel at sports or music. I didn't have any special talents. But I knew I'd be good at being a mom. I knew I'd excel. I knew I would love it. And I do. I have never experienced such accomplishment, such an unconditional love for one person, and such JOY! 

So when I started feeling depressed and overly emotional. I was confused. Why was I feeling like this? Isn't this is what I've always wanted? I love my daughter..what's going on?  I became infuriated over the littlest things and would take it out on my husband. Who is the least bit deserving of any of this negative, emotional, attitude I had going on.

I started having thoughts of not wanting the life I had. Not wanting to be a mother. Not wanting a marriage with my husband. Now, in these ruts I would get into I would believe every single one of these things. I became afraid. The only way I could sort the truth from those things that were false was to get down on my knees and pray for the truth. Once I started to feel myself returning my true self, the real Kara, those things I thought I truly felt, I knew without a doubt that I didn't have those desires. I was not feeling those things.

  So, I decided to go back into my midwife and tell her what was going on. She said I was suffering with PPD. My first reaction was, " OH, nonono, it has to be something else, I've been really emotional and not feeling myself. I'm just being a girl." which she replied, "Yes, that's PPD." She wrote out a prescription for an anti-depressant.

I am now three weeks into taking the medication and little bits of myself seem to be slowly returning to how they used to be. I'm still having bad days, but my good days are starting to outweigh the bad. 

Now let me tell you this MOTHERS: You are not crazy. You are not a bad mother. There is help available.  You are not the only one struggling. Don't be afraid of getting help for something you have no control over. 

God made us to be mothers and He sure isn't going to let us fail.  Don't assume there is nothing you can do to help yourself. For starters, you have a friend here. :)


  1. Kara! I love this! I am so glad you are willing to talk about all the things no one else will! As i prepare for motherhood, I am trying to learn as much as I can! This helps. thanks!


  2. You are so great! Way to be so honest... so excited to follow you!! :)

  3. Very beautifully written. I've always been afraid that I would have PPD since it runs in my family (I had a cousin who wasn't even allowed to hold her baby for months before they were 'sure' she wouldn't harm him.) and I can't imagine the confusion when you know you love someone so much. More people need to be willing to share things like this and then more women would get the help they need.

  4. Hooray to you Kara! First of all to be honest with yourself and finding a way to feel better, and second for telling the world that sometimes great mothers get PPD! I am so looking forward to more posts!

  5. Yay Kara! Join the club! I've had depression for a while now and PPD has been a ride! I have been on mine for 6 months and counting so I'm right there with ya! :) I love reading all your blogs and seeing pictures of your beautiful Baby P! Her and Baby L need to be best friends :)

  6. i cant totally relate with you with the ppd part of your blog but i deffinatley can see my self having it wheni do start haveing children and it scares me so much!at least i nkow that if it does then i am not alone.the part odf your blog when you talked about school and how you felt like you had no real interest and no special talents that really inspired you..i felt the same way in hs. i always knew that i wanted to be a mom and i nkow that i will be good at it!i am so excited to become one and it is so hard to wait!!we just have to get some bills sorted out and kinda save a little and then we are going to start trying! how long had you and your husband been married until you started trying to have a baby?